Acum ceva timp am purtat o discutie cu o persoana care m-a impresionat. Nu conteaza daca este vorba despre o femeie sau un barbat, chiar nu are importanta. Ceea ce conteaza este subiectul discutiei: sa-ti pastrezi virginitatea pana la casatorie. Este adevarat ca aceasta persoana avea si motive religioase sa aiba aceasta opinie, numai ca modul in care vorbea despre cum ar trebui sa te pastrezi pana la nunta, sa fii pur in ochii celuilalt, cu care iti vei petrece tot restul vietii si caruia trebuie sa-i daruiesti totul m-a impresionat puternic. Si am gandit in sinea mea atunci: ce om deosebit, mai rar intalnesti astfel de persone.
Apoi mi-a fost dat sa descoper si altceva: nu totul era atat de frumos si romantic dupa cum parea. Voi cum ati fi reactionat daca aceasta persoana v-ar fi intrebat apoi, intr-o alta conversatie: “iti place hardcore-ul? Mie da.” Ma intreb ce reactie va avea „jumatatea” acestei persoane, care va fi cu siguranta cucerita de viziunea aceasta romantica asupra iubirii, cand va afla ce se afla in spatele ei. Pana la nunta va fi totul frumos, roz, fluturasi in aer zburand, iar dupa... dezastru. Pentru ca pot pune pariu ca persoana despre care va vorbesc acum nu-si va arata adevarata fata decat dupa casatorie.
Ce ar spune freud acum: „v-am zis eu!” .
In ochii mei cele doua viziuni nu se potrivesc, dar oamenii sunt complecsi, poate ca pana la urma acesta persoana va gasi pe cineva potrivit.
...
Some days ago I had a talk with someone that impressed me. It doesn’t matter if it was a woman or a man, really it doesn’t. What it matters was the subject of our conversation: if one should keep the virginity until marriage. It’s true that this person had religious motifs also to think like this, but the way this person spoke about keeping yourself until that night, being pure in the other ones eyes, that you will spend the rest of your life with and to whom you have to give everything really impressed me. And I thought to myself: what a wonderful human being, we rarely meat people that are like this.
But then I discovered something else: not everything was as beautiful and romantic as I thought. How would you have reacted if this person would have asked you after, in another conversation: “do you like hardcore? Because I do”. I wonder how the “soul mate” of this person, which will be surely conquered by this romantic view on love, will react when finding out what’s behind it. Until the wedding it will all be beautiful and pink, butterflies flying in the air, and after… disaster. Because I’m willing to bet that this person I’m talking to you about won’t show the real face until after marriage.
What would Freud say now: “I told you so!”.
In my eyes this two views do not fit, but people are complex human beings, maybe this person will find someone after all.
sâmbătă, 4 aprilie 2009
A fi sau a nu fi implicata emotional.../To be or not to be emotional involved...
Recent mi s-a spus, de catre un baiat, logic, ca nu ar trebui sa ma atasez emotional de el. Trag concluzia ca el nu prea cunoaste psihicul feminin, pentru ca daca l-ar fi cunoscut ar fi stiut ca unei femei ii este aproape imposibil sa nu se ataseze de oamenii si lucrurile din viata ei. Tot ceea ce face o femeie este insotit de adanci sentimente si dorinte, ceea ce duce la atasamentul emotional. Nevoia noastra de afectivitate ne face sa oferim la randul nostru si de aceea ne atasam de tot ce avem: de oameni, de obiecte, de job. O femeie iti va spune: "nu pot sa renunt la obiectul acela, il pastrez pentru ca are valoare sentimentala". Si asta inseamna ca amintirile legate de acel obiect sunt mai importante decat valoarea lui financiara. Asadar, iubire sau nu, ura sau nu, pentru o femeie intotdeauna este vorba de emotii.
"Femeia are nevoie de tandrete, pentru aceasta ea accepta apropierea unui barbat. Acest lucru demonstreaza ca nevoile femeii in pat sunt mai degraba afective decat sexuale". (Dr. Cristian Andrei)
Deci, nu ii cereti niciodata unei femei sa nu se implice emotional. E ca si cum i-ati cere sa inceteze din a mai fi femeie.
...
Recently I was told by a guy, of course, that I should not get emotionally attached to him. I’m concluding that he doesn’t know at all women psychic, because if he would have known it, he would have known also that to a woman it is almost impossible to not become attached to the people and things in her life. Everything a woman does it’s attended by deep feelings and desires, that lead to an emotional attachment. Our need for affection makes us give in return and we get attached to everything: people, objects, our job. A woman would tell you: “I can’t give that up; I’m keeping it because it has emotional value”. And it means that the memories connected to that object are more important than its financial value. So, love or not, hate or not, for a woman everything is about emotions.
“The woman needs tenderness, and because of it she accepts the nearness of a man. This proves that a woman’s needs in bed are rather emotional than sexual”. (Dr. Cristian Andrei)
So, never ask a woman to not get emotionally involved. It’s like u were asking her to stop being a woman.
"Femeia are nevoie de tandrete, pentru aceasta ea accepta apropierea unui barbat. Acest lucru demonstreaza ca nevoile femeii in pat sunt mai degraba afective decat sexuale". (Dr. Cristian Andrei)
Deci, nu ii cereti niciodata unei femei sa nu se implice emotional. E ca si cum i-ati cere sa inceteze din a mai fi femeie.
...
Recently I was told by a guy, of course, that I should not get emotionally attached to him. I’m concluding that he doesn’t know at all women psychic, because if he would have known it, he would have known also that to a woman it is almost impossible to not become attached to the people and things in her life. Everything a woman does it’s attended by deep feelings and desires, that lead to an emotional attachment. Our need for affection makes us give in return and we get attached to everything: people, objects, our job. A woman would tell you: “I can’t give that up; I’m keeping it because it has emotional value”. And it means that the memories connected to that object are more important than its financial value. So, love or not, hate or not, for a woman everything is about emotions.
“The woman needs tenderness, and because of it she accepts the nearness of a man. This proves that a woman’s needs in bed are rather emotional than sexual”. (Dr. Cristian Andrei)
So, never ask a woman to not get emotionally involved. It’s like u were asking her to stop being a woman.
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