Am citit urmatoarele randuri pe blogul lui Cabral (cabral.ro) si ma tot gandesc la ele de atunci. Vai, cata dreptate poate avea! Oare de ce ma regasesc in ele?
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Prima clipa, prima discutie in care ii simti respiratia alunecandu-ti pe piept, prima privire in suflet, primele vorbe… primele minciuni.
Suna dur “minciuni“, stiu, dar… hai sa incercam sa privim cu sinceritate. Ce stii, in acel moment despre ea? Cat de bine-l cunosti? Cat de bine te cunosti tu in relatia aia, foarte proaspata, cat de bine va cunoasteti chimia, pe ce-ti bazezi promisiunea aia?
- Te iubesc, voi fi intotdeauna cu tine!
- Esti sigur?
- Mai sigur decat orice pe lumea asta!
Da, sigur! Ce stii in acel moment? C-o iubesti, ca te face sa te simti asa cum nu te-ai mai simtit, parca, niciodata! Te face sa simti ca il adori, astepti cu nerabdare fluturasii din stomac, caci ti-i da, mai ales atunci cand te saruta si te priveste cu privirea aia, aia speciala, care te face sa te simti cea mai frumoasa creatie a lumii… Asta stii, pe asta te poti baza. Dar, acest mic nimic iti conteaza in respectivul moment infim al vietii tale mai mult decat ce va sa fie si de doua ori decat tot ce-a fost…
- Ce-ti doresti de la viata asta?
- Pe tine, numai pe tine, acum, maine, pentru totdeauna… tu!
Asa ne incepem relatiile, mai mult sau mai putin cu minciuna asta, sau una vecina ei, promitem lucruri mari, ne promitem noua ca vom fi mai buni, altfel, ca nu vom repeta greselile trecutului… ca vom iubi atat de frumos incat povestea asta nu se va termina vreodata.
Dar uitam, caci suntem oameni, ca am promis fix acelasi lucru intr-o anumita relatie ce a trecut. La fel am zis, “Intotdeauna cu tine…!“, dar n-a fost asa, ne-am despartit, am uitat – sau nu – am mers mai departe si… acum iubim din nou.
Cand am mintit, atunci sau acum? Ne-am proiectat si atunci umbrele de indragostiti pe peretele de fum al unui viitor care astazi e realitate, si pe peretele ala ne vedeam atunci “Intotdeauna impreuna.”. Numai ca umbrele indragostitilor s-au schimbat, una dintre siluete a disparut, acum e alta, si in acelasi fel de imbratisare ne proiectam din nou intr-un promis “Intotdeauna cu tine!“.
Am mintit atunci? Mintim acum din nou? Am mintit de fiecare data?
Caci, cum facem, vom alege sa fim in continuare, in continuarea acelei minciuni, alaturi de fostul? Riscam asa sa ne erodam prezentul sau lasam minciuna aia deoparte si ii zambim ingaduitori asteia noi?
De ce nu spunem “Azi impreuna!” si facem in asa fel incat sa ne tinem de cuvant cat mai frumos posibil?
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I’ve read the next lines on Cabral’s blog (cabral.ro) and I’m thinking and thinking about them since then. Wow, he is so right! Why do I find myself in them?
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First moment, first conversation when you feel your breath on your chest, first look into the soul, first words... first lies.
Sounds harsh „lies”, I know, but ... let’s try to look at this with honesty. What do you know about her in that moment? How well do you know him? How well do you know yourself in that relationship, so fresh, how well do you know the chemistry of you two, what reason you have to make that promise?
- I love you; I will always be with you!
- Are you sure?
- Surer then anything else!
Yeah, sure! What do you know in that moment? That you love her, that she makes you feel like you, maybe, never felt before! He makes you feel like you adore him, you’re waiting impatiently for the stomach butterflies, because you get those from him, mostly when he kisses you and he looks at you with that look, that special one, which makes you feel the most beautiful creation in the world. This is what you know, you can count on this. But, this tiny nothing counts in this little moment of your life more then what will be and twice more then what was…
- What do you want from this life?
- You, only you, now, tomorrow, always… you!
This is how we start our relations, more or less with this lie, or with one close to it, we promise big things, we promise to ourselves that we are going to be better, different, that we are not going to repeat the mistakes from the past… that we will love so beautiful that the story will never end.
Because we are human we forget that we promised the same thing in a previous relation. We said the same thing “always with you…!”, but it wasn’t like that, we broke up, we forgot – or we didn’t – we moved forward and… now we love again.
When did we lie, then or now? Then we projected our lovers’ shadows on the smoke wall of a future that today became reality, and on that wall we used to see us “always together”. Only that the lovers shadows have changed, one of the silhouettes disappeared, now there is a new one, and in the same embrace we project ourselves again in a new promised “always with you”.
Did we lie then? Are we lying now, again? Did we lie every time?
But what are we going to do; we are going to stay in that lie, by the ex’s side? Do we risk eroding away the present or we are going to leave that lie aside and kindly smile to this new one?
Why aren’t we saying “today together” and trying to keep our word the best way possible?
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